GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa! I want a fat bank account and a sexy body with rock hard abs for Christmas. Let's not get those two mixed up like you did last year.

   Santa, you must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during deer season?

   I am the reason Santa has a naughty list.

   Dear Santa: For Christmas this year I want a fat bank account and a slim body with sexy abs, but let's not get it mixed up like you did last year.

   I sure hope you like your Christmas gift... It's a year's supply of me!

   Every year, my Christmas list begins with "Dear Santa, my sisters did it. But I have been very good this year, because I'm an angel!

   The holiday season is here. Remember to set your scales back 10lbs at midnight.

   Santa, you break into people's houses and eat their cookies; don't judge me.

   I wish Santa would just dump 100ft of coal around Biden and Nancy Pelosi's house.

   Due to the extreme coal shortage, Santa will be giving out Justin Bieber cds to all the bad kids this year.

   Let me get this straight; a fat man who breaks and enters into my home, who steals all my Christmas cookies, is the one who judges if I'm naughty or nice?

   Dear Santa, I was good at being NAUGHTY. Does that count for anything?

   I wonder how was God able to find some wise men when most of us men don't even know how to stop and ask for directions when we're lost?

   I am the reason why Santa has a naughty list.

   No matter how old you may be, an empty wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to use to bonk someone over the head with.

   Santa put down the pen! I can explain everything!

   Dear Santa! Listen here! I'll keep eating my deer jerky while you give me what I want for Christmas or Rudolph is next. Make it happen fat man!

   Marriage tip 101: It is very important that your wife understands Commandment Number 1 in regards to marriage: "Thou shalt not nag". As soon as she understands this, she will grow in her duties and responsibilities as a wife.

   NO! I didn't fall on the floor! I attacked it with my wicked ninja skills! Aren't you jealous?

   Marriage tip: Make sure your wife always accommodates to your needs. "Honey, when you finish using the bathroom, you need to put the toilet seat back up".