Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, give a man a religeon, he'll starve to death praying for a fish

   with all due repect, its hard to believe in god when certain people have yet to be disentigrated by bolts of lightning

   going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.

   You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.

   once visited the Virgin Islands ... They are now called the Islands

   Thank you Gym for being like my Grandmother...Always there for me, even though I only visit you twice a year.

   STOP TRYING TO TALK LIKE LIL WAYNE AND DRAKE RAP!!!! Youre all just making yourselves sound like illiterate retards. Youre not Lil wayne and your not Drake, so why dont you do what Drake says and DO YOU!!!!

   The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music

   just had my vision checked. My hindsight was 20/20. My foresight is legally blind

   doesn't have a problem with caffeine, I have a problem without it!

   knew she was nuts when squirrels started looking at her funny!

   ☆:*´¨`*twinkle twinkle little star...point me to the nearest bar ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`*:.☆

   If you can read this, you need to stop stalking me on facebook

   was considering an all-vegetarian diet but it turns out you are not allowed to hunt vegetarians

   says "If Heat Rises, Surely Heaven is Hotter Than Hell"

   I'm not perfect but parts of me are excellant!

   the first 100 years of marriage are the hardest

   was born in the state of confusion and is living in denial.

   You have the right to remain silent, because whatever you say will probally be stupid !!

   needs a new fitness plan... LMAO is not making my pants fit any better