aaron Funny Status Messages

   Today's level of difficulty is shaping up to be "Wheelie on a unicycle."

   When I read about yet another overnight shooting in the ghetto I can't help but sigh at the senselessness and hope it wasn't my drug dealer.

   When I die, I want to be buried alive.

   Ok, slow down people. We're starting to evolve in the wrong direction.

   My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.

   I drank my 8 glasses of water today. Well... 90% water anyway, there may have been some barley, hops, and yeast mixed in there for taste

   Thank goodness my Internet is working again. I don't have all your mailing addresses.

   According to scientists drinking one can of four loko is like drinking 4 beers, 2 red bulls, a small taco, a ghost and a park bench.

   By definition, shouldn't the word "unique" have zero synonyms in a thesaurus?

   Dropping the fish I had for lunch off at the pond

   The Frog... "Time's fun when you're having flies."

   I'm one of those people that tried this at home.

   Here's a gross thought: what if you thought you were having diarrhea, but you looked down and saw the toilet filled with dead spiders?

   I know karate, kung fu, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 27 other dangerous words.

   My life coach just benched me.

   No, your *other* counterclockwise.

   Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I'm going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.

   I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong.

   yo mamma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid

   I'm not mooning you. I'm turning the other cheek.