g0re Funny Status Messages

   Ghetto people are always naming their kids after things they can't afford... Mercedes, Diamond, Pearl, Car Insurance.

   It's amazing the things you'll do while procrastinating; it's almost anti- procrastination. It's like "Well, I just re-read all 7 Harry Potter books learned fluent German and mastered the ability of knife throwing... But I still didn't start that essay"

   Well, obviously we have a Santa in the North Pole. He's climbin' down yo chimney, droppin' yo' presents off Bringin' cheer so ya'll need to hang the stockings, deck the halls, and leave some cookies cuz he's visiting errrybody out there.

   When a package says "easy open" I end up using scissors, knife, hammer, gun and a lightsaber.

   something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That's yours now."

   I never let my children watch band performances on TV. Too much sax and violins.

   You've really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can't reach it.

   The funniest thing about the Darth Vader kid car commerical was that the parents thought they started the car.

   How is LIL WAYNE, a man with a wife, ex-wife, 5 baby mommas, 3 boos, 2 hoes an a partridge in a pear tree, gonna tell me how to love.

   Everything is made in China, Except for babies, They're made in the VaChina

   Sometimes you can't tell if you're just in a bad mood or everyone around you is being annoying.

   I wish I could type my mood into my iPod and it would make a playlist for me.

   Girls: Theres always going to be that girl you think is much prettier, funnier, sweeter and just generally more perfect but have you ever realized that you're probably that girl to someone else?

   I don't understand why people are so amazed when I say that my grandfather survived Auschwitz. I mean, most German officers did.

   It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.

   It's annoying when people take an unattractive quality they have and try to make it sound cute. "Umm I'm kind of a control freak. Like, I just REALLY like things my way. Ahaha(((:" B!tch shut up.

   Friends are like bananas. If you peel back their skin, and eat them, they wil die.

   Sometimes, when you're having a sh!tty day and you're really stressed out, all it takes is something small, like stubbing your toe, having your printer malfunction, or losing your scissors, to make you break down in tears and lose all hope.

   Accidentally mixed my I can't believe it's not butter with my real butter. Now I don't know what to believe..

   Cool thing to do: Read the ingredients of something a friend is eating then stop midway and ask something like"What is Ar-se-nic? Did I say it right?".