doc noland Funny Status Messages

   The most inappropriate time to tell someone they have the "Moves Like Jagger" is during a seizure.

   Fifty bucks says I make way more unnecessary noises than you.

   The way to a man's heart is about eight inches inside of anything.

   Just told a cardboard box to "p!ss up a rope," so that's where I'm at as a person today.

   MTV has proven that the recent rise in teenage pregnancy has reallyyyyy changed the definition of a MILF

   "We found lunch in a homeless place" - Rihanna in a soup kitchen

   Anti-obesity ads featuring fat kids are causing controversy in Georgia. Unfortunately, none of them are forced to to the "truffle shuffle."

   Judging from Axl Rose's physique, Paradise City has green grass, pretty girls and an abundance of Twinkies.

   I woke up humping the wall of my pillow fort, in case you were wondering how my s@x life is going.

   "Lets talk about safe IPs. Let's talk about piracy. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things on your PC."

   Am I an a55hole because the cruise ship thing doesn't seem like a big deal? I mean, there's some rocks RIGHT THERE!

   You've gotta admit, cuddling with a giant panda would ALMOST be worth getting your face ripped off.

   If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's a drunk white woman having her picture taken in the club.

   I hope I never get renal failure. I've really come to enjoy having a functioning renus.

   ESPN just reported that their kicker just tried to hang himself, luckly he could not even kick the chair out from under himself.

   Face down A55 up, thats the way I select donuts at Dunkin Donuts

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   Just walked into the kitchen and a broom fell towards me. I yelled "ah!" and pushed it away. Bring it on ninjas!

   People that say the last word in this sentence is my bugaboo.