Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Knows why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!

   reviewing the final drills of his Man-Alligater warriors before they rise up from the sewers and take the city.

   wonders why, if you send someone a fruit basket, you are thoughtful. If I mailed someone an orange and a banana, they'd wonder, "What the hell is wrong with that guy?"

   Like math? We could add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide our legs, and multiply!

   They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.

   My boyfriend came home from work upset and asked me to console him, I hit him over the head with his XBox

   Thinks everybody makes mistakes. Just ask ur mom and dad

   gona be in pariz next sex tape

   Naturally the world doesn't revolve around me, I MAKE it revolve around me!

   busy creating an excuse for not coming into work tomorrow.

   Guys are like port-o-potties. All the good ones are taken and all the bad ones are full of crap!

   treat everyone the same, till you find out there an idiot.

   Save a baby seal...Club a liberal.

   Never hire a colorblind electrician.

   Don't think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey.

   You never see the bad days in a photo album but it's those days that get us from one happy snapshot to the next.

   I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!

   I clearly like all the music on my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle...then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes

   I don't understand when people say "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does, but why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

   Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize that I had no idea what the eff was going on when I first saw it.