Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "the greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source." – George Washington

   Thinks it's funny to watch people who drive Hummers, swerve to avoid potholes

   if God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat!!!

   If you don't like gay people... blame the str8 people...they're the ones who keep having gay babies.

   loves squirrels... natures speed bumps

   went to a baseball game yesterday with my new girlfriend. We played a game where I would kiss her on the strikes, and she would kiss me on the...

   finds counting spiders on the ceiling does not put you to sleep.

   at the Video Music Awards on her mobile ...ihg32h9gj0fk0kfkkkkkkfmmnnn273fbf111... ...FOR F*** SAKE KANYE LET GO OF THE KEYBOARD!

   refuses to get his pizza from Pappa Johns anymore after finding out what he did to Mackenzie Phllips

   at Starbucks in Iraq with his friends. Wait, this isn't Starbucks, and those aren't my friends.

   asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

   My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

   Two guys came knocking at my door once and said: "We want to talk to you about Jesus." I said: "Oh, no, what's he done now?"

   Jesus is on Twitter, but unfortunately he's only got twelve followers.

   it's not that I don't stalk you; it's just that I'm really good at it, so you don't notice.

   buying flannel and becoming a lesbian

   wants Angelina to adopt her so she can call Brad daddy...

   lets go of her preconceived ideas and trusts the basic intelligence of her none rational mind.

   slaying fleas Robinhood style with a toothpick, rubberband, and a lit match.

   slaying an army of fleas Robinhood style using a toothpick, rubberband, and lit matches.