Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   feels like a Fruit Loop trapped in a box of Cheerios...

   believes that sometimes it's best to not question your friend. Just help them dump the body bag into the river.

   knows you laugh at him because he's different. He laughs because you're all the same.

   doesn't care if his neighbors see him walking around in his Spiderman boxers. It's Tuesday!

   doesn't drink anymore. He doesn't drink any less either...

   received a fortune cookie that read, "You are a prince among peasants". Wow, the fortune cookie guys finally got it right! ;)

   feeling like a cowboy who doesn't know whether he's been snakebit or shot in the ass.

   amazed at how thirst-quenching beer can be on a hot day like today. My goodness!

   just saw barbie sitting on pinnochio's face screamin "lie you damn puppet, lie!!"

   surprised how we live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police...

   I found Jesus, he is cutting my grass with Jose, Miguel, Juan, Pedro, and el chuey!!!

   subpeoning you to appear before my high court of tea and cookies, to give evidence of our combined awesomeness.

   Caught in the act... what act is that? If I told you, I would have to kill you... best you don't know

   Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!!

   Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

   I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

   Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is..

   It really pi$$es me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

   I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

   I wonder if cops ever get pi$$ed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.