g0re Funny Status Messages

   BIRTH: It goes in like a banana and comes out like a pineapple.

   They should make haunted houses with genuine fears. For example: Eviction notices at every corner, very important final exams that you didn't study for, pictures of your parents naked, etc.

   It makes no sense for a 911 operator to put you on hold: "911 please hold.""Ok, wait. Stop stabbing me for a sec." Murderer: "K"

   It sucks when you're trick or treating and someone has a really long driveway that you actually took the time to walk up and they don't have candy.

   A lot of people assume when you laugh while texting someone, it's because what they said is funny. But in most cases, you're laughing at what YOU said because you're just that freaking hilarious.

   You'd think that after a while, Scooby and Shaggy would stop being such pu$sies when they see a ghost or something. They should know it's just someone in a costume.

   You know you're wasting your life on the Internet when you keep coming back to the same sites because you can't think of anything else to do.

   No I did not flinch because you scared me, I flinched because of my instinct to survive.

   When someone asks me what superpower I would have if I were a superhero, I tell them I already have one. I say I possess the preternatural ability to anticipate and avoid horrifically boring conversations. Then I walk away.

   In the world of MTV, when a girl is in her sixteenth year she either gets an extravagant birthday party or a baby. Most sixteen-year-olds I know would settle for a new iPod.

   Those people that make fun of you for flinching are annoying. Of course I try to avoid getting hit in the face.

   The best posts are the ones that make you say "I had no idea other people did that!".

   "He broke my heart I broke his xbox <3 :))" ...Right. Things like this are probably why he broke up with you in the first place.

   Feelings like anger and sadness should probably be embraced. Even though we may not like them, they're all natural emotions and a part of life. After all, the world would most likely be pretty bland if all we felt was satisfaction.

   I hate it when people belittle other people's problems just because they're not as bad as some. No matter the gravity, they're still problems, and people have a right to be sad.

   It's kinda sad that 98% of the population can only correctly use a semicolon if they're trying to digitally wink at somebody.

   Snooki's like a basketball: Orange and passed around by a bunch of sweaty guys.

   Basketball players took the phrase"grow up" too literally.

   I've seen 4 people go from "in a relationship" to "single" today...yep, it's definitely no shave November.

   A good drinking game; watch Wheel of Fortune and do a shot for every time they applause.