KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I never drink coffee at work mainly because it keeps me awake and alert.

   I need new haters. The old ones are starting to like me.

   Whoever '' Shawty'' is , she apparently has alot of rapper boyfriends.

   Screw a designated driver. I need a designated liver.

   Why don't witches wear panties? So they can get a better grip on the broom.

   You gotta hump a few clunkers before you can fondle a ferrari.

   Dude, she called you short! "Oh Hell No! Lift me up!"

   Don't worry; it's only kinky the first time.

   What if random erections are actually ninja handjobs?

   It doesn't matter how many times I find myself, coz there'll always be someone telling me to get lost.

   So Android has "Iris"....Siri's ugly stepsister.

   People who go to the liquor store and buy a pint of whiskey are poor planners… what are you going to drink tomorrow?

   I drink heavily on the weekends so I can be able to deal with my workmates during the week.

   People who create their own drama, deserve their own karma

   You won't regret the men you never killed, but you will regret the women you passed up.

   The older the Facebook post, the creepier your "like" becomes.

   If homosexuals are going to hell, the interior design down there is going to be fabulousss.

   It's never too early to start drinking for St. Patrick's Day. There are only 52 days left.

   Dear Chicken I don't get why you r so popular 4 crossing the road ... Yours Sincerely The cow that jumped over the Möön

   10: I whip my hair back & forth. 16: I pass my blunt back & forth. 30: I drive my kids back & forth. 80: I rock my chair back & forth.