Aaron Funny Status Messages

   My girlfriend talks faster than the speed of sound. This explains why I never hear her.

   Ha ha there's nobody here. I'm going to steal the internet and sell it on ebay! Oh wait....

   The morning after the night before is always the next day.

   Puking is my body's way of saying, "Now there's room for more booze!"

   Life is funny. Well, yours is. To me.

   Today needs an eject button.

   The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.

   I don't call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.

   So, this freed Chilean miner walks into a bar, hot chick buys him a drink & says "Your place or mine?"

   Muggers accept all major credit cards.

   Another day of saying stuff I don't mean and thinking stuff I don't say.

   Ever sneeze so hard that it started raining

   A save electricity sign: "Don't you hate it when someone turns you on, and then just leaves?"

   Don't make me use UPPERCASE.

   I'm saving myself for marriage. Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage

   If everyday is a gift then today was socks.

   Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.

   We can sense paranoia and we are coming for you.

   To all my Atheist and Agnostic friends. T_IF!

   The beatings will continue until morale improves.