Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Life is not measured by the breaths you take...its measured by the moments that take your breath away.

   if a person starts a sentence with, "Not to sound like an a**hole..." Guess what they're gonna sound like....?

   [Average Salaries] U.S. Soldier: $54,000....U.S. Congressman: $174,000 (Not counting bonuses)....What's wrong with this picture..?

   Everytime you tell someone they got a piece of food on the side of their face, they always start wiping the opposite side of where its located....then you just wanna punch them for still not getting it.

   You ever go to sleep late afternoon and wake up after dark....and you don't know what damn day it is?

   FACT: Toilet paper is more useful than your precious college degree. At least an "a**hole" would always hire a roll for to pay off his "sh*t" not student loan debt.

   You ever notice sometimes all day on Wednesday you keep thinking its Thursday? Then when Thursday comes, you're al right again.

   Who cares about threats over the internet. You can't be a bada*s with a keyboard. Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics, even if you win you're still retarded.

   You're so creative taking pictures of your face in 11 different angles with your phone. How do you do it??

   They got chicken-flavored doggy treats..ok...how does a dog know what a chicken is? He might like it if you give it to him, but he's not gonna say "Oh good I was hoping we was gonna have chicken again"

   [Dear Teen/Young Adult/Rapper Who Sags Their Pants]: Do you even know the origin of that fashion statement?

   If your nuts happen to itch while in public, best way is to scratch it from the inside of your pants pocket.

   Me: "What was your major in college?" Friend: "I'm majoring in Debtology and Unemployconomics. Sure is a lot of students in the classes."

   Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend's status changes to "In a relatiobship"....You: (Damn). A week later, their status changes back to "Single"....You: (Hahahahahahaha!)

   If you want to lose "friends"....tell the truth.

   1-800-You~Wish.....To chat with hot, sexy girls in your area you'll never see or touch.

   NAMES: I bet you 10 times out of 10, guys with names like Ricky, Vinnie. Tony, Eddie will beat the sh*t out of guys with names like Kyle, Blaine, Brent, Cecil

   Time lives forever so how can the Mayans predict Time when Time existed long before they even started to make a calender....That's like Snooki saying she'll look hot 103 years from now.

   I'm going to open a gym on January 1, 2012 and call it "Irony Fitness." It 's only going to be open for two months.

   When people say to me, "I don't have time", I ask them then why are you still alive.