jitney Funny Status Messages

   Im designing a New perfume for all the girls who forgot to shave, It's called "Forever Alone"......... It smells like a Cruise ship on fire at sea!

   For those girls who aint shaved.......I'm perfecting a new perfume called "Forever Alone".... It smells like Carnival Cruise Line on Fire!

   What did one Party fish say to the another party fish....."This Carnival is stinking up the sea"

   I'm going to shut off my phone round 9pm just to not get and avoid any desperate last minute chicks

   Just saw A good day to die hard" movie. and its like tthey just took the Benz logo and stuck it on every vehicle they cud find, including a tank!

   In Miami: We had a great winter season lastnight, can't wait 'til next year.

   The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.

   it me, or Monday comes around and your sleepy throughout most of the workday, but after what feels like 5-hours in rushhour traffic, you have enough energy for a Party with free drinks?

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want! They don't know my life! They don't know what I've been through!!!

   I think I'm emotionally constipated cuz I haven't been given a SHhhhit in days!

   Epidemic: Girls who have really good male best friends, but claims they have no man!

   LADIES: If you're at the Fair and you're ready to go, start talking to the hottest chick there too. He'll find you immediately.

   Oh so you wanna loose weight, by eating healthy........then why your healthy food weighs more than the cheap stuff?

   "Im not materialistic or superficial".....says the girl who goes shopping to cheer her up

   Check out a new church for the first time for Easter Sunday. When the pastor said, "would all the first time visitors please stand up", The whole church stood up with me! (Ö_Ö)

   I promised my boss i'd come in early for work on monday Aint that a great April fool's prank......

   Right to bear arms meant only muskets? Is like saying right to free speech only meant the old English spoken in 1700s....

   I dont have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bulllllshhhiittttts!

   Good News to a Pastor: The Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks. Bad News: The pastor was on vacation.

   My wife was complaining that she isnt in shape!!!! Now I sleep on the sofa, becuase I told her Round is a shape!