StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   You know what is sweeter than the laughter from a child? The sound of silence from not having any kids.

   I was gonna vote. But the I got high.

   Afroman was going to vote. But then he got high..

   I don't exercise to be healthy. I exercise to look sexy af naked!

   Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.

   After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn't want to eat for the rest of the week anyway.

   If you're reading this while camping out in front of Walmart. You're a douche bag.

   Let's give thanks we live in a country where political disagreements are expressed with poorly spelled Facebook posts instead of missiles.

   It's a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.

   I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights....just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he's getting hit by a train.

   Some people say “If you can't beat them, join them”. I say “If you can't beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

   The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

   They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

   Summary of everyone's Facebook timeline: 1. born 2. things got worse

   on't name your bong after a woman, because we all know it's wrong to hit women.

   Never punch a person with glasses, unless they're wearing just the frame with no lens. In that case punch the crap out of them.

   Well, today I realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob so nothing else is important anymore.

   My wife and I got one of those board games for couples to spice things up. It quickly turned into a game of Sorry, which led to me playing a game of Uno.

   You can do better than you ever thought possible when you stop looking at others progress and be your own competition.