Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Scrolling down your Facebook News Feed can sometimes be just like scrolling down the spam folder in your yahoo mail.

   Even fire will break out in a sweat in this weather and then put itself out.

   When humans mutilate and dismember each other in movies it's Rated R, but apparently when Autobots and Decepticons do it it's PG-13.

   (Login to Facebook)...(No NEW notifications/messages/requests)....(Checks News Feed,..Nothing interesting)....(LOG OFF).......(Repeats in the next 7 minutes)

   This status update you are reading is brought to you by your psychological addiction to Facebook. If you don't believe you are an addict, then why did you finish reading this status update......?

   You were a straight-A student, on the honor roll, well-behaved all throughout your school years.......Now today you're wondering why you're unemployed and struggling. Do you still believe in the system "they" taught you since you were a child??

   USA - "Dad can I borrow a few trillion dollars?" England - "...Ask your mother" China - "Hell no I'm not giving you any money!! You'll just let your government friends waste it all on gambling.

   Besides seeing it on money, 'government' and 'trust' do not mix.

   Every time I see you text/type "lyk dis" instead of like this, I assume you were that kid that went to the restroom and didn't come back until the end of Spelling and English class.

   Went to a Real life party and I knew everybody there. Went to a Facebook party and saw most of my friends. Went to a Twitter party and didn't know anybody there. Went to a Myspace party and I was the only one there.

   Just walk up to a blonde and tell her to say "Alpha kenny Body" really fast.

   How come when they kill a fetus during conception it's an abortion, but if it's a chicken, its an omelette....or scrambled eggs?

   The 5th Commandment, Thou shall not kill...Murder. But isn't it funny that more people have been killed in the name of God then in any other event ever on this planet.

   [How Most Wars Have Started Between Countries] "You believe in God?", "No" , (BANG!!). or "You believe in God?" , "Yes" , "You believe in MY God?" , "No" , (BANG!!)

   Just remember...when you're sitting down praying to be someone else, someone else is praying to be you.

   If you have to steal something. then it's obvious you never needed it in the first place.

   You use your phone as a flashlight at night and hit random buttons to keep it lit.

   True Beauty = (Woman + Confidence) - Make Up

   Interesting how you can't say "prick" on TV as a noun or calling someone the name. You can say you got a prick on your finger just don't say you fingered a prick.

   You have six kids with six different fathers and you're on this online dating site looking for a honest and committed man with no kids...ok..good luck....