BAD GUY Funny Status Messages

   Don't confuse Facebook with your diary. We really don't need to know some of your personal sh*t.

   The sad part about this whole Casey Anthony ordeal is that she will probably have her own TV show.. and write a book that half of the americans will buy... its sad.

   Why do women do such silly things sometimes, like trying to turn a one night stand into an engagement?

   For how long must I wait and toil in the FRIEND ZONE before she lets me hit it??

   Treating the whole world as if it works for you doesn't suggest you're special, it means you're an a$$.

   If I cared, I'd draw you a map of your a$$ with an X marking the spot where your head is buried.

   Some people have this amazing ability in life, the ability to still care for people they shouldn't give a damn about, people they have every right to hate because of all the sh*t they have put them through. I am not one of those people!

   I wake up and people are asking me if I'm dead? Just because I'm 27 does not mean I'm going anywhere. (STILL-MUCH-ALIVE)

   To hear many religious nuts talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.

   Life and Wife are two words that rhyme, but if you have one, you can't have the other!

   A man should never talk on the phone with another guy while lying on his stomach with his legs in the air.

   If you're a dude writing *hides* or *crying* on your messages, I am going to assume you are the kind that like it in the butt.

   Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.

   I wasn't that drunk. "Dude, you walked into Wal-Mart and when the voice came on the intercom, you dropped on to your knees and screamed, “GOD HAS SPOKEN”

   Q: What did the left nut say to the right nut? A: Look at this b*tch in the middle trying to act all hard.

   Faithful and trust worthy partners are like a thong on a fat girl…so hard to find.

   GUY: give me 3 packs of condoms please. CASHIER: do you need a paper bag with that sir? Guy: nah she is not that ugly.

   I took a dump on a pigeons nest today. Revenge has never been this sweet.

   Fat chicks never forget a drunken hook-up, because an elephant never forgets.

   I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.