Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon The only thing Flat-Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.
←Rate | 02-20-2019 10:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rain rain go away so I don't waste all my time staring at Facebook all day.
←Rate | 02-20-2019 09:20 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would want to come in Fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Movie Theater Tip: When you go to the movies first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you so nobody can sit there..
←Rate | 01-24-2019 08:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
←Rate | 06-08-2018 18:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember son -- when you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 23:44 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
←Rate | 09-25-2017 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe the mattress stores could tell us when they are NOT having a sale
←Rate | 03-28-2018 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fun prank for Halloween is to train your dog to sit and growl at the padlocked closet as your guests arrive
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All those Olympic curlers are headed back home now, where the wife is standing by the door with a mop and a broom saying "no more excuses"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hard liquor because I don't don't have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
←Rate | 05-16-2018 23:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 08:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
←Rate | 06-03-2018 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson hasn't released a movie in three weeks. I hope he's okay.
←Rate | 07-10-2018 09:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dearest Neighbors, Please do NOT call the police, it’s not domestic violence or a wild party. It’s football season, that’s just me screaming at my TV.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read this article earlier..that said.."cows have four stomachs"...and I wondered if anyone had checked this?..because it sounds like the sort of thing a cow would come out with to get more food?
←Rate | 09-12-2018 20:39 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have nothing in common with people who have "left over" pain killers
←Rate | 10-08-2018 12:11 Comments (0)  



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