topherboy1981 Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Growing up, all I wanted was Girls Gone Wild. As an adult, I ended up with Bills Gone Wild
←Rate | 12-16-2018 14:26 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon who knew a politician named wiener could get into so much trouble?
←Rate | 07-25-2013 09:54 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to play "I Spy" with total strangers and stare at them and say "I spy an idiot"...
←Rate | 07-24-2013 13:03 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon have you ever stood in front of the mirror and said to yourself "who the hell is this person? and then suddenly realize you're standing in front of a coffee shop window staring at a cop...
←Rate | 06-18-2013 13:15 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon have you ever been so sure about something that you were unsure about how sure you were exactly. I'm sure I'm totally unsure about being positively sure to the point of not being positively sure about my integrity of sureness...
←Rate | 04-30-2013 14:16 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon you know what's an odd habit? People who talk with their hands while talking on a cell phone........seriously.....who's that sh*t for?
←Rate | 04-30-2013 13:24 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is short. Tell the people you care about that you love the them. But tell them in German because life is also scary and confusing...
←Rate | 03-05-2013 08:45 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon well the Oscars this year were dominated by the movie Pi....next year, I demand they make a movie named bacon....
←Rate | 02-25-2013 08:43 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Burger King's new company slogan: "When it comes to hunger, we don't horse around"...
←Rate | 02-03-2013 13:08 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when I make love, I like to do so to the sounds of the Star Trek theme, so that way the girl feels she's going to a place where no other girl has gone before
←Rate | 02-03-2013 10:32 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why hello Mr. Cup of Tea which is scoldingly hot for the next 30 minutes but magically becomes ice tea 1 minute later..
←Rate | 01-08-2013 15:09 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon with the upcoming end of the world quickly approaching, in lieu of Christmas cards this year, I have sent out checks out to all my friends in the amount of $1,000,000 post dated 12/22/2012. Good luck finding a bank that isn't under water everyone!
←Rate | 12-05-2012 09:57 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so I didn't want to wake up this morning and go to work. It's not that I don't like my job, it's just that I like being lazy more...
←Rate | 11-19-2012 08:41 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So if you ever want to experience the closest thing to a zombie apocalypse, all you have to do is wait in line for Black Friday at your nearest Wal-Mart...
←Rate | 11-09-2012 08:52 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: This just in two days after purchasing Lucas Arts, Disney in a deal with Harpo Studios will hire Oprah to play the role of Jar Jar Binks in the new upcoming Star Wars 7 movie...
←Rate | 11-01-2012 11:22 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon KFC's new "Chicken's Littles" commercial claim "Little is the new big".......poorly endowed men everywhere finally feel adequate after watching
←Rate | 09-24-2012 19:53 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to run for president so I can make it legal to punch stupid people square in the face. I'll make punching stupid people my campaign.
←Rate | 09-12-2012 09:23 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon no letters were harmed in the making of this status update....okay, maybe the letter E's got stabbed but they had it coming....
←Rate | 09-10-2012 11:42 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ever have the feeling someone is watching you? I guess it doesn't help that I'm looking into this mirror.
←Rate | 05-09-2011 18:52 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it too late convert Charlie Sheen into a Redsox's fan so they can start winning?
←Rate | 04-06-2011 23:11 by topherboy1981 Comments (0)  


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