timboss Funny Status Messages

   it just me, or does el Chapo sound like a low budget Mexican Restauraunt? Where ya wanna go eat? I duuno.. Let's try el Chapo's

   Dear History Channel, The Mayans were wrong.. We are not dead.. Everybody is still here. Please adjust your morning programing accordingly..

   I hate when I'm scrolling through Facebook the first thing in the morning and accidentally run up on the three headed baby.. Eww

   Sitting here watching "Undercover Boss" thinking.. Guy shows up at your job with a camera crew, screws everything up, gets you to reveal secrets about your personal life.. If you can't figure out what's going on, there's no hope left for you..

   I just got out of bed and decided I'd trim that annoying hair on my eyebrow that kept getting in my eye last night... Now I have half an eyebrow

   I just googled, "Gift ideas for wife" One website suggested a cooking class. They must have thought I meant, "Gift ideas for wife if you want to sleep on the couch forever."

   Of all the lies I've told in my life, "just kidding" is probably my favorite..

   You couldn't chain me up and drag me into a WalMart today!

   Rest in Peace Sheriff Taylor.. You will be remembered and loved.

   I just went out and witnessed the transit of venus.. Now I have no retinas...

   My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.

   When going out for sea food, I always order shark steak. Not because I like it.. but to show THEM who is really on top of the food chain.

   Gee honey, I would have taken the trash out.. But I slipped and fell into the lifeboat..

   it just me? Or are the three finalists at the end of Funniest Home Videos never the funniest?

   I hope my CEO doesn't come here as the Undercover Boss cause I'd be like, "Ahh, don't worry about that mess. It'll be there tomorrow... BREAK TIME!"

   Nothing aggravates me more than to hear a career politician say, "I am not a career politician."

   Can you imagine how different the story would have been if Fritz hadn't dropped the "normal" brain?

   I really should bring the chair at work home with me so I can get some sleep at night...

   just saw where the movie "Ground Hog Day" is coming on tonight.. Oh.. Wait a minute.. That's President Obama's job speech.. sorry

   Quote of the week "Tactically, it's all going as planned.." Qaddafi