svaldez187 Funny Status Messages

   Norwegian Cruises are offering buy 1 week get 2 free. Use promo code "CORONA"

   My ornaments are starting to droop. Yeah, time to ask Santa for new underwear.

   ***LATEST SOCIAL MEDIA GAME~~~ Inbox me your Bank Account or Credit Card number (be sure to give me the expiration date and 3 digit security code) and I will post in my status which bill or Christmas gift I used it for. Let's play!!!

   Don't worry about Ebola spreading in Dallas. The Cowboys have shown us that people in Dallas can't catch anything.

   You shouldn't be buying lobster when you're on a tuna fish budget. 

   Spoiler Alert: Phillip Seymore Hoffman dies at the end of his Facebook movie.

   The Broncos should just sit on the sidelines and watch the Superbowl for the commercials like the rest of us.

   wait....what if the extreme cold in America is actually just Disney’s advertising campaign for Frozen?

   ...what do you mean I can't get change from the church collection plate? I only have $20s.

   so...it seems they announced the new Batman. Christian Bale fans have really Ben Affleckted by it.

   jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

   White smoke emerges from Vatican chimney, indicating either the new pope has been chosen or the chicken fajitas are ready.

   Q: what does a nosy pepper do? A: it gets jalapeño your business. (o.O)

   I should really start going to bed earlier so I have more time in the morning to be late for work.

   And this year's Oscar (Pistorius) goes to ....... Jail. (͡๏̯͡๏)

   Happy alentines ay: for those who wont be getting the V or the D.

   hmmm....the red nose? the flying? aiding in transporting? and nervousness? Its obvious Rudolph has a cocaine problem.

   I feel bad for the kids these days that see a cool toy on TV, but can't order it because their parents have to be over 18 to call.

   On Sunday, don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour. And on Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years...VOTE!!!

   "It's impossible." said pride. "It's risky." said experience. "It's pointless." said reason. "Give it a try." whispered the heart........ "WHAT DA HELL WAS THAT?!?!?!" shouted the anus two minutes later.