hovo Funny Status Messages

   I hate when cashiers ask you if that's everything. Oh no, I'd also like a hand job

   Today is Independence Day. The day when Americans show their deepest gratitude to Will Smith and thank him for saving us from the Alien Invasion!

   Just once somebody needs to roundhouse kick the person who does the 1$ bigger bid on The Price Is Right!

   Can pregnant people use the car pool lane?

   Instead of cashiers saying "here's your receipt" they should say "will you throw this away for me?"

   I can't wait till October for when Rapture the sequel comes out.

   Never thought it would happen but I actually got hungry watching 2 girls 1 cup

   It's Been A Tough Few Years For The Ocean, we've had the oil spill, the Japan radiation, and now "Hey! Mind if we put Bin Laden there too?!"

   Just told AT&T that I'd make a payment on my cell phone Sunday, so I'm really banking on this rapture sh*t..

   I've got 99 problems and I'm not dealing with any of them (Lay-Z)

   Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices..

   My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible..

   I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work..

   I have a ton of leftover horse. I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was.

   "If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?"

   I installed a stripper pole outside my house. Haven't caught one yet.

   Google has gotten so used to my search habits, all I have to do is type a celebrity's name and it automatically adds "nude".

   If I ever wake up in a room with a bunch of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game", I'm gonna be pissed!!!

   So 'Lol' has become the new , 'Yep I have nothing to say'

   What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?