bridget Funny Status Messages

   Every flaw in my character is quietly salvaged as evidence of my genius.

   A necktie functions like a tourniquet, preventing excess blood from entering the head.

   “Tired of online dating? You're not alone.” Yes you are. That's why you're dating online.

   I wrote a joke about the short duration of cocaine, in fact the joke itself is a one-liner.

   A good rule for facebook: Friends don't let friends friend non friends.

   Tattoos: Nothing like a permanent disfigurement to satisfy the whims of fashion.

   Yesterday I had a religious experience: I was repressed and beaten by a man in a black robe.

   Facts are busily being ground into meat.

   Chess Master Plots Brilliant Attack On Wife!

   When are they going to do a myth busters episode on God?

   A lawnmower is like a man. You either have to push it or ride it if you expect to get any work out of it.

   Big Boobs makes my ADHD go crazy!

   - Boobs are a lot like toy trains...they are meant for kids but dads like playing with them too

   going to defrag my brain. Process takes 8 to 9 hours. Will be unavailable till reboot is complete..

   thinks Facebook should add another option for Friends Requests... WHO ARE YOU?

   Wish I could change my relationship status to "batteries dead" LOL

   Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.

   Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.

   It's sad to see that two close people don't recognize each other anymore. Not because they grew up but because they grew apart.

   I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.