YODA Funny Status Messages

   I hate it when TV shows say "Adult Content" but then don't show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up after the kids... jest sayin

   Shout out to the person Who is the first to say they’re going home and breaks the seal for the rest of the guests to be like “Gyess we will head out also” Jest sayin

   Whatever life throws at you, duck and let it hit someone else!

   Today I identify as someone on welfare, so I don't have to go to work right?

   Today's yoga position is called "the underpaid employee"... It involves bending over and kissing ass at the same time.

   Sure, I'll show up at your vegetarian Halloween Party... I'll be coming as the invisible man....

   "Reverse cowgirl"… So you don't have to experience morning breath

   Wanna know about people you don't need in you life? Post something with a misspelling and see how fast they "must" correct you

   When is "White History" month?

   Sitting here watching the "Biggest Loser" season finale... uh, thought I would see the Broncos....

   Did anyone tell the Broncos what time the game started?

   You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body....

   The mega winner says she picked the numbers by her kids birthdays… Please tell me what month has 39 days

   I used to complain aobut how much a cup of coffee was at Starbucks... after seeing how much a "cup" is at the VIctoria Secret Fashion show, I'm getting a GREAT deal at Starbucks...

   Just saw a "for lease" sign, I painted "navidad" under it ...

   With the holidays, I'd rather check my facebook than face my checkbook...

   There are givers and takers in this world... Takers eat better, givers sleep better

   Alcohol does NOT make you fat, it makes you LEAN...against tables, chairs and walls...

   I can't believe they let people own guns. Public toilets are all the proof we need that humans have horrible aim

   If watching the big-screen TV with a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn't have couches at this Best Buy...