Rick H. Funny Status Messages

   Can we have a NO Kathy Griffin button?

   Looks like I got 2 more of those pesky drones last night in the bug whacker.....

   Just sprayed the new Febreeze "Carnival Cruise" air fragrance throughout the home. Now the whole place smells like sh*t..

   Looks like the Pope is headed for the old popes home..

   Breaking News: Romney buys rights to all Jack in the Box tacos sold in Colorado

   I should have ordered only half a horse. No way, I can eat all this..

   Just heard that Janet Jackson and Randy Travis are doing the Super Bowl halftime show..

   People in Arkansas are curious if this health plan is going to cover tooth whitening.

   After the movie Magic Mike is released this weekend all the theatre seats are going to looks like snails crawled across them...

   I wished my neighbor hated weeds as much as I do....

   Tried to buy a Harley today but they said I had no balding as of yet?

   Went to see the Hunger Games thinking it was a free-style attack all you can eat buffet. It was a movie. Very disappointed.

   Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.

   I have coughed so much this week I think I'm developing 6-pack abs.

   Haven't heard Obama say one thing about getting rid of Jersey Shore..

   They should make a app for the IPhone that yells "Code Blue Stat" when the battery is weak.

   It is by far the most beautiful lump of coal you have ever seen..

   The one good thing I experienced about eating at In & Out Burger is it helped get rid of that gum I swallowed several years ago.

   Got insomnia? May I suggest watching the CMA's.

   I'm terrible with people's names. For example: I've known this guy Steve for years and just realized her name is actually Stacy.