Mickey Funny Status Messages

   Dating is like trying on shoes. You think you found a good fit, but it begins to hurt after a little while.

   Soft tacos are just tiny burritos with a sun roof.

   I like my women like I like my peanut butter... chunky.

   They should sell liver sandwiches at baseball games to complete the misery of the entire experience.

   Cruises: Like being on house arrest with midnight buffets.

   Now that summer's over, I'd like to suggest to the ladies (and guys from Canada) that next year, unless you have a rear end made of perfectly sculpted stone, don't wear a thong.

   COVID is going to be an excuse for horrible restaurant service for years to come.

   Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.

   I have as much interest in golf as I have in golf.

   The sign at the florist's said, "Say It With Flowers." I go in and ordered one rose. The guy asks me if I'm cheap. I go, "No, I'm a man of few words."

   Wanna meet me at Taco Bell? The Day Without Illegal Migrants means we'll get plenty of sauce packets and napkins.

   If I've learned anything from social media, it's that we live on a planet that's disproportionately filled with inhabitants in possession of single digit IQ's.

   I'm telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can't walk for a month.

   I tried killing a spider with a can of cheap hairspray. Now it smokes two packs a day, joined a bowling league, wears blue eye shadow and calls itself Brenda.

   Life is a terminal disease, that is sexually transmitted.

   Throughout the 90's, during its infancy, the internet was referred to as the Information Superhighway. Little did we realize, that in such a short amount of time, it would unfortunately become the Misinformation Stupidhighway.

   Throughout the 90's, during its infancy, the internet was referred to as the Information Superhighway. Little did we realize, that in such a short amount of time, it would become the Information Stupidhighway.

   For those of you who don't have a significant other to spend Valentine's Day with, kindly resist the temptation to brag about it.

   White Americans killing off other Americans is a psychological issue, not an ideological one.

   Polling showed 27% of the USA bet on Atlanta to win. Must've been conducted by CNN.