Maureen Funny Status Messages

   surprised that Kate and William didn't go with my suggested royal baby name of Princess Consuela Bananahammock!

   may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don't have the best childing skills, either.

   recovering from this long work day with my friend, Char...donnay!

   wonders why we can't just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?

   Note to self: you never read these notes, so stop writing them.

   UPS delivery guys don't like it when you go up to their truck and order an ice cream sandwich and a bomb pop.

   Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet.

   gets the feeling that I need coffee more than coffee will ever need me.

   Guys - A few words of wisdom...when a woman asks for your opinion, she doesn't want to hear your "actual" opinion, she simply wants to hear her opinion in a deeper voice.

   would imagine there really isn't any market for sea shells down by the sea shore considering the abundance of free sea shells.

   Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel - instead of send.

   hurt my leg while sleeping last night in case you're wondering how I'd do running a marathon.

   freely admits that I don't know how to play Minesweeper - I just click random boxes hoping I'm right.

   Before you judge Mitt Romney, try walking a mile in his backyard.

   makes a mean cup of coffee! This one just told me I'm not as funny as I think I am.

   The side effects of the medicine I just took include nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, repeating things four times & difficulty adding.

   Let me put things into perspective for you....persp(things)ective....​you're welcome!

   Not all that glitters is gold. Take, for instance, glitter.

   can't understand why Victoria's Secret incorrectly refers to these "wine-drinking, recliner pants" I'm wearing as "yoga pants."

   Just saw that I have one unheard message and I didn't even see my phone ring. I hope it's not work-related or Mel Gibson!