Joker Funny Status Messages

   it OK to cut in front of someone wearing all Camouflage?

   My noise reduction feature on my new hearing aid dosen't work..... I can still hear my wife yapping.

   Never laugh at your wife's choices. You're one of them.

   Beer bottle: "Break me and you get one year bad luck." Mirror: "Are you kidding, break me you get seven years bad luck." Condom: Ha ha ha, and walks away.

   I think politeness is important. That's why I offer my seat to a lady when I get off the bus.

   All this beer drinking I do gives me a hangover. It's really noticeable when I stand sideways.

   The best part of Valentine's day, is the next days 50% off sale on the box chocolate candy.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's day, then the side chick is you.

   The penalty for bigamy is having two mother in-laws.

   Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough, that's why we have two hands.

   My boss just appointed me as his sex adviser. He said " When I want your fu*king advice, I'll ask for it."

   Breast are proof that men can concentrate on two things at the same time.

   Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

   In this cold weather, it's hard to give people the finger when you're wearing mittens.

   My mother inlaw standing in front of a mirror: "I feel fat and ugly." . Me to make her feel better: "Well at lease your eye sight is good."

   Silence is golden. Unless you have teenagers. Then it becomes suspicious.

   When I'm grilling a stake, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water. Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

   I don't rise and shine, the best I can do is get up and gripe.

   My mother in-law is so ugly, even a boiling tea kettle won't give her a whistle.

   Got my ancestry DNA results back. It seems I related to Adam and Eve.