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Jeff W Funny Status Messages
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Lent is almost here! Time to get your Ash in church!
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02-28-2017 05:29 by
Jeff W
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DELTA = Don't Ever Leave The Airport
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08-08-2016 19:10 by
Jeff W
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Wow, I've been on the No Sugar Diet for one day and have already lost ... my will to live.
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03-22-2016 11:59 by
Jeff W
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So you can catch HIV from being in Two and a Half Men
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11-16-2015 21:55 by
Jeff W
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Congrats to Lamar Odom. The first guy to have cocaine and bookers actually save his marriage.
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10-22-2015 19:50 by
Jeff W
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Tossing back a drink for all of the presidents who died...so that we could have a day off work. Salute!
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02-17-2014 12:39 by
Jeff W
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Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
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02-14-2014 09:29 by
Jeff W
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I wonder how much of a deduction I would get in figure skating by having to keep one hand on the wall the whole time?
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02-09-2014 14:30 by
Jeff W
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The fastest way to get my son out the door on a school morning is to ask him if he wants a hug...
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08-21-2013 08:19 by
Jeff W
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I'm taking my family to see the Nutcracker on Saturday. Of course I'm talking about my mother-in-law, not the show.
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12-19-2012 22:51 by
Jeff W
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Storage Wars is fake? What will you tell me next, that Taco Bell meat isn't real or that Santa isn't real?
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12-11-2012 22:38 by
Jeff W
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So let me get this straight. There's a War on Women but no War on Terror? Hey guys, little less focus on the labia little more on Libya.
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09-12-2012 21:47 by
Jeff W
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Just remember, Michael Jordan would not have been a six time NBA champion without the government building the roads that got him to the game!
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07-16-2012 15:19 by
Jeff W
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An older woman who likes young guys is a cougar. An older man who likes young guys is a Nittany Lion.
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11-08-2011 22:14 by
Jeff W
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Paul McCartney is going to be pissed when he realizes his new wife spends twice as much on shoes as his last wife.....
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10-10-2011 10:26 by
Jeff W
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Kim Kardashian on Twitter: "Casey Anthony not guilty? I am speechless!" Someone replied: "So was Nicole Brown's family when your dad got OJ off".
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07-05-2011 23:20 by
Jeff W
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How long before a gator eats somebody on that show called Swamp People? "Choot 'em, Clint, Choot 'em!"
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06-27-2011 08:03 by
Jeff W
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big story in the paper about a movie called Super 8. I must be getting old because I don't remember the first 7 movies of that series.
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06-10-2011 08:39 by
Jeff W
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After the 7th text, I wish someone in this house would just call the other person and get the conversation over with. Or at the very least get a less annoying ring-tone announcing your incoming text.
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04-09-2011 20:19 by
Jeff W
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20/20, Piers Morgan, Howard Stern........ I think the only show Charlie Sheen hasn't been on in the past three days is Two And A Half Men!
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03-01-2011 23:47 by
Jeff W
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