JC Funny Status Messages

   Microsoft Word! I try and move an image 1mm to the left, but all text and images shift, fonts change, four more pages appear...in the distance, sirens.

   Man with Corona virus seeks woman with Lymes disease

   My biggest pet peeve is that people expect me to remember their pet peeves. Please don't forget that!

   Tonight's Jets/Bills football uniforms resemble my Starbucks cup.

   Playboy doesn't show nudes. MTV doesn't play music videos. The Learning Channel makes you dumber. What happened to the world

   Playboy is dropping nudes because they're too easy to find on the internet? I had no idea. I only read the internet for the articles.

   Okay Christmas, you're on the clock...

   Uranus was the first planet discovered with a telescope. I didn't know planets had telescopes...

   Tried to kill a mockingbird but it mocked me and almost killed me instead...

   The Pope excommunicates Italian Mafia: I wonder who the next pope is gonna be...

   I renamed my Ancestry.com file folder to Edit DNA to mess with archaeologists in the future...

   Tom has a lot of space. He named his website very accurately.

   "I now pronounce you, "husband and what the hell did I just do..."

   I read today that 99% of women don't like men in leather pants. That is convenient...because 99% of men in leather pants don't like women.

   I find it astonishing I can remember every wordto Wild Wild West by Will Smith, which I haven't heard in 10 years, but can't find my keys

   I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty confident I could win a spelling be.

   I use my cell phone as backlighting at night when I flip someone off so they can better see my finger.

   For those of you who won't be joining us in Heaven tomorrow but going to the other place below, Pauly Shore will be the guest on The View.

   Do you remember Sit and Spin? No, not the toy... your early drinking days.

   If I blocked you on Facebook, what makes you think I want to talk to you in real life?