Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   I'm too tired to order anything for dinner so I guess I'll starve

   My body is so exhausted but my mindset is wide awake.

   I think my song is "Let It Go" because whenever I mention love, they sing it.

   Has found love on facebook. Shes from Bangladesh and "wan day will reash amehica."

   My gums are throbbing, someone somewhere just spilled their whiskey!

   I ate all my meals today without using a single utensil

   Love Sunday bourbon but sometimes "message failed to send," is your four leaf clover

   If your boyfriend wears a gold necklace outside of his tshirt both of you will be asked to get out of your car by the police at gunpoint some day

   Roses are red, Violets are blue, What I ate on Fat Tuesday, Gave me Diabetes Type 2.

   I was never insane except that temporary moment when my heart was exposed.

   i don't want a girlfriend I want an accomplice

   My elf on the shelf is just a credit card bill I move around to pretend I dealt with it.

   I just apologized to a bug for killing it and I instantly became a Canadian citizen.

   Frankly Auto-correct, I am getting tired of your shirt!

   I'm just here until I can make day drinking a full time job

   We didn't have presidential candidates like this back when people could smoke at their desks.

   Cant, made plans to have insomnia again tonight.

   Dont get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.

   I wish I was cool enough to post pictures of my food on Facebook

   I would say "I hope your well", but that would be a lie