Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
«Previous
1
Page: 1 of 5316

   messageicon The wall thing... It's like a manhood thing with him - as if manhood can be associated with him...
←Rate | 12-12-2018 12:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's with all the shooting in France. Does France want to be the US that bad? Trust me, that's not a path you want to go down.
←Rate | 12-12-2018 11:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a moral compass, but it always seems to point south.
←Rate | 12-12-2018 09:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my bed's a rockin' the tectonic plates are a knockin'
←Rate | 12-12-2018 07:44 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alexa, clean up my act!
←Rate | 12-12-2018 06:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mannequin Pence was thinking; if I keep my eyes closed will Mueller still see me?! 😆
←Rate | 12-11-2018 21:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My children want a cat for Christmas ... Normally I do a turkey but hey, if it can make them happy!
←Rate | 12-11-2018 21:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wait till they realize that Frosty has no pants and smokes a pipe in front of children.
←Rate | 12-11-2018 21:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Great White House interview today. Two adults and a baby, and also a mannequin known as Pence, in a chair!
←Rate | 12-11-2018 16:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kevin McCallister's parents has to be the most dimwitted parents ever not to realize that Buzz is the cause of their family's problems.
←Rate | 12-11-2018 14:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people which is perfectly understandable.
←Rate | 12-11-2018 08:50 Comments (3)  


   messageicon So how did Amish.com happen?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 21:15 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some girl just asked me out, well she actually told me to get out of my store, but I know what she really meant
←Rate | 12-10-2018 19:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have all the world's knowledge at the very tips of my fingers where I can find the answers to life's most perplexing questions! and here I am googleing What did Oscar the Grouch do if he overslept on trash day?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 01:01 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Oh wow, someone sent me a fruitcake. I'm going to eat it right now!" said no one ever.
←Rate | 12-09-2018 10:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to your 40s. Drugs are no longer just for fun, they’re medicine now
←Rate | 12-09-2018 10:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have decided to host the Oscars
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:12 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [first day as a 911 operator] me: nine hundred and eleven what is your emergency
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:09 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to the army navy game doesn't count as visting the troops.
←Rate | 12-08-2018 19:15 Comments (0)  


«Previous
1

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left