Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF

Search Messages:
Page: 1 of 5467

   messageicon What's the difference if someone with mental illness come at you with a knife vs someone without mental illness comes at you with a knife?
←Rate | 10-31-2020 06:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favourite Celine Dion song is the one where it's muted all the way through.
←Rate | 10-30-2020 15:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They said no texting while driving but they never said anything about glassblowing
←Rate | 10-30-2020 14:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Since hockey has been cancelled, nobody has seen the Zamboni driver. But I’m sure he will resurface eventually .
←Rate | 10-30-2020 14:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used my husband’s deodorant, so if you need me to explain how to throw a football I can do that for you.
←Rate | 10-30-2020 13:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hands up if you’ve given yourself a bloody nose by swooping down a little too eagerly on the buffet and smashing into the sneeze guard. So, just me? Okay.
←Rate | 10-30-2020 13:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *at boss’s funeral, kneeling and whispering at coffin* Who’s “thinking outside the box” now, Gary? Not you that’s for sure
←Rate | 10-30-2020 13:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Halloween costume this year is a red cape and a witches broom – I’m gonna be little red riding wood.
←Rate | 10-30-2020 13:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trick-or-treating has been canceled, so this Halloween I will be giving out advice.
←Rate | 10-30-2020 13:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This year for Halloween I’m putting my kids in a giant bowl on the front step with a sign that says Please Take One.
←Rate | 10-30-2020 13:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just think. If all parents were pro-abortion, it's likely we wouldn't be here to argue over it.
←Rate | 10-30-2020 09:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yellow cars have the lowest crash rate, according a different pole
←Rate | 10-29-2020 20:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i was looking at the bigbustycoons site... Those guys have some big bus companies
←Rate | 10-29-2020 11:06 by kip Comments (0)  

   messageicon yellow cars have the highest crash rate, according to a pole
←Rate | 10-29-2020 11:02 by kip Comments (0)  

   messageicon I invented the cold air balloon, but it never really took off
←Rate | 10-29-2020 11:01 by kip Comments (0)  

   messageicon I dont win marathons because I'm lucky, I win them because I'm driven
←Rate | 10-29-2020 10:59 by kip Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I cancelled my gym membership I had to submit a too weak notice
←Rate | 10-29-2020 10:57 by kip Comments (0)  

   messageicon Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
←Rate | 10-29-2020 10:55 by kip Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am having a weird day, first I found a hat full of money, then I got chased by a guy with a guitar.
←Rate | 10-29-2020 09:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I mean I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for the last seven months. I don’t think I need a day dedicated to it anymore.
←Rate | 10-29-2020 09:06 Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left