Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Do you have a constant hardon for barnyard animals? At five one eight nine five one four six zero two Kat Schwartz can help by adjusting your private parts at the Chicago zoo.
←Rate | 01-24-2019 07:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid we use to have wonder at times who are real friends were, but nowadays all you have to do is delate your facebook account and see who calls.
←Rate | 01-23-2019 16:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For Sale. Slightly used Christmas tree. Price negotiable. Can pick up in front of neighbor's house.
←Rate | 01-23-2019 09:49 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon At my age, safe sex means only sleeping with women who know CPR.
←Rate | 01-23-2019 00:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon An orgy but it’s just me eating 5 different bags of chips at once.
←Rate | 01-23-2019 00:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gave up alcohol and coffee the past 2 weeks and was rewarded with a cold. So much for healthy choices πŸ‘ŽπŸ»
←Rate | 01-22-2019 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon sure your baby is cute and all but what does it do?
←Rate | 01-22-2019 11:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Would you be willing to take a bullet if you were not being paid?
←Rate | 01-22-2019 04:07 Comments (15)  

   messageicon If you didn't participate in the 10 year challenge. Then you have a PhD in maturity
←Rate | 01-21-2019 16:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "you da bomb" - " No you da bomb" In America - a compliment. In the middle East - an argument.
←Rate | 01-21-2019 11:30 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon So if no one posted pictures of the lunar eclipse for friends who don't look up from their phones did it really happen?
←Rate | 01-21-2019 01:00 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who the hell told Cardi B that her opinion matters when it comes to our country? We live in some sad times. Also a picture of an egg is the most liked picture EVER on Instagram. Sad SAD times!!!
←Rate | 01-20-2019 14:27 by Meh! Comments (8)  

   messageicon I'm pretty sure the hotel receptionist was checking me out!
←Rate | 01-19-2019 16:01 by Trickz100 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Silence is golden. Unless you have teenagers. Then it becomes suspicious.
←Rate | 01-19-2019 06:59 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I'm grilling a stake, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water. Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.
←Rate | 01-19-2019 06:56 by Joker Comments (3)  

   messageicon Thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, then realized it said "THICK CUT"
←Rate | 01-18-2019 16:13 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon OK. What genius decided to call it Erectile Dysfunction and not Ballzheimer's?
←Rate | 01-18-2019 12:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I guess border wall funding wasn't a priority when we had a working gov't and a Rep Congress the last 2 years...
←Rate | 01-18-2019 10:52 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Here's an idea. How about if every person who doesn't want a wall will have to pay a fine? Sort of like Obamacare.
←Rate | 01-18-2019 09:45 Comments (4)  

   messageicon My new coffee mug now says "Don't even talk to me until I've had my paycheck".
←Rate | 01-17-2019 14:39 Comments (1)  


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