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In other news...the Seven Dwarfs have been advised that they can only meet in groups of six. One of them isn't Happy. 
Remember when the current stupidest thing was the “Gotta Get Down on Friday” song? We didn’t know how good we had it.
Toy story 2 has yet to explain how a stuffed horse kept pace with a commercial aircraft taking off on a runway
Official quote of 2020 ... "YOU'RE ON MUTE !!"
All I want for Christmas is a stimulus check.
Which wine pairs best with Spicy chicken Ramen ?
wow, already December? Time flies when you've been drunk since March
Don't drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm going to need that back...
Mrs. Claus: *opens door* you’ve been in here working on the naughty list all day Santa Claus: *fumbling to close his internet browser* I need PRIVACY please
I vote for Chinx getting the vaccine last.
This holiday season, make sure to confront your family about current issues like for example: how they choose to pronounce “pecans”.
*feeling chest pain* probably need more pie
I’ve watched enough Dexter to know if he’s lying about one thing he might also be lying about a lot of other things and secretly a serial killer.
I decided to beat Black Friday and start my Christmas shopping early. *Runs Amazon van off the road
Today I learned that you never bring a ‘I did the dishes’ to a ‘you never pick things up’ fight
My Mom finally brought my Dad’s urn into the living room and placed it on the mantle. It caught everyone a little off guard including my Dad who was just sitting there watching Duck Dynasty.
Me to my son: "Hey, look at this article. It says, 'Vaccines are ready to roll, thanks to beeyotch." My son: "That word is 'biotech', dad."
thank you all for donating to my gofundme to pay for my surgery; I have decided to buy 600 playstations with the money
Christmas decorations should come with coupons for couples counseling.
I used to think nudism was weird. Then I started doing my own laundry.