Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon In your face! They are now known as The Exonerated Five now. No matter what your God says, that will never change.
←Rate | 09-22-2019 23:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jesus grew up in the middle east, yet idiots think he was white, duuuuur.
←Rate | 09-22-2019 18:27 Comments (1)  

   messageicon All I'm saying is if the toilet still flushes when the power and gas goes out, why don't we run more things on toilet power?
←Rate | 09-22-2019 07:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet other insects hate it when they ask a caterpillar how she became a butterfly, and she's all, "Just diet and exercise, guys!"
←Rate | 09-22-2019 07:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I get home and change from casual Friday duds into even more comfortable clothes. Now I just look like melted cheese.
←Rate | 09-22-2019 07:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: Is that a Yeti cooler? Yeti: *flicks cigarette* Cooler than what?
←Rate | 09-22-2019 07:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The man has made a fool of himself and this country too many times.
←Rate | 09-21-2019 22:24 Comments (2)  

   messageicon You know you're drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
←Rate | 09-21-2019 08:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember when you were a kid and the TV set in your basement weighed 8,000 pounds?
←Rate | 09-21-2019 08:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got kicked out of the procrastinators club when I showed up for our first meeting..
←Rate | 09-21-2019 08:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook birthday reminders are great as they help me realize I have absolutely no idea who this person is to unfriend.
←Rate | 09-21-2019 01:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wow, he sure loves help from foriegn powers.
←Rate | 09-20-2019 16:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I've dropped and shattered my phone.
←Rate | 09-20-2019 15:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A taser but for people who say "it is what it is".
←Rate | 09-20-2019 15:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon New rule at Subway: You must give the person in front of you a Wedgie if they take more than 20 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want. 2
←Rate | 09-20-2019 15:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I'm going to show off my new belt by tucking in my T-shirt" -Men over 50.
←Rate | 09-20-2019 15:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Walmart keeps two elderly people on staff at all times: one to greet you, and one to walk slowly in front of you on the way out.
←Rate | 09-20-2019 15:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the women in tampon commercials should switch places with the women in antidepressant commercials
←Rate | 09-20-2019 11:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I looked out the window this morning. It was cloudy. I chanced it. It started pouring and I didn't have my umbrella :(
←Rate | 09-19-2019 11:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [my boss sees me get hit by a car in the parking lot] make sure you bring a doctor's note if you're gonna be late
←Rate | 09-19-2019 08:17 Comments (0)  


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