Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Watching Porn] How is there not lipstick everywhere?!
←Rate | 11-22-2017 01:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [GOP Senator watching a child get molested] “Sorry, kid, we need his vote.”
←Rate | 11-22-2017 01:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 21:52 by UKGuy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please buy my new book: Losing weight while staying drunk.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 19:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tom Steyer just donated 25 million to the, "Let's Get REALLY Dumb Foundation"
←Rate | 11-21-2017 19:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chuck Schumer just released a new book, it's called; "How to Be a Giant Jack A$$"
←Rate | 11-21-2017 18:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An untalented gymnast walks into a bar....
←Rate | 11-21-2017 16:28 by Sammy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sales of sexbots have been skyrocketing. I wonder if they make an underage one? That's gonna be the hot seller among Hollywood and Democrats.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 15:28 by TallMtnMan Comments (3)  


   messageicon Pro tip: Use Shazam in your Uber to blow your drivers mind with your knowledge of their obscure immigrant music.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 13:09 by AkeelyMac Comments (0)  


   messageicon My cat has a fun new game called Catch & Release.. It catches the mice outside and brings them into the house and releases them.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 12:06 by Mic Comments (0)  


   messageicon After watching Lavar Ball I know know why his son steals and thinks he is entitle .
←Rate | 11-21-2017 09:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I get coffee at Starbucks and the guy asks me my name I read his name tag and say his name and then he's like "Nooo wayy! That's my name too!" and I go like "Nooo wayy!" and I always think I'll get something free but I don't.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 07:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you could cross a centipede with a turkey you would have enough turkey legs for everyone.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 07:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ugh. None of my Facebook friends have accepted my "Take Seven B&W Pictures of Your Life Print them Poster-Size, Tint them with Watercolors, Scan Them, Increase Vibrance by 50% then Post Each One with a 3-Word Description Challenge".
←Rate | 11-21-2017 05:03 by unknowncomic Comments (0)  


   messageicon So much for the party of family values. Republicans have now re-branded as the party of child molesters.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 00:20 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Sure hope no one has high expectations of me today.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 00:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Of course you can use bacon grease as furniture polish. *licks coffee table*
←Rate | 11-21-2017 00:11 by psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Holy crap! With all these famous people getting the skeletons pulled out of their closets, I'm starting to feel like a saint.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 23:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your posts are going viral, just like herpes.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 22:56 Comments (0)  


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