samdave69 Funny Status Messages

   a lesbian trapped in a mans body.....

   doesn't have a drinking problem. He drinks. He gets drunk. He falls down. No problem...

   red meat is not bad for you. Green furry meat is....

   wakes up grumpy, but most days he just lets her sleep....

   lives with fear everyday. Sometimes she lets him go fishing....

   a cookbook is like a Danielle Steele novel for chubby girls....

   Confucius say: Man who go to sleep with sexual problem, wake up with solution in hand....

   Confucius he say, man who sit on tall toilet is high on pot...

   saw a naked man running down his road. I rolled down the car window and asked "hey why are you running stark naked " to which the naked man replied "because you are home early....."

   : Everytime I hear the dirty word "excercise", I wash my mouth with chocolate.....

   veni, vidi, velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around...

   saw a middle-eastern friend shaking a carpet on 6th floor balcony. I called out "whats up ahmed, won't it start?"

   Ashley cole was arrested for speeding!! In his defence, he was told tht John Terry's car was parked outside his house!!!

   Alzheimers: You wake up and wonder who's sleeping next to you, where you are, what you did the night before, why you're naked..... kinda like college, isn't it?

   thinks it's only a weak soul that walks towards Alchohol as a 'solution' when the going gets tough. Not me though - I sprint towards it....

   procastinating now. Don't see why I should put it off......

   finally understood reality is an illusion. It is created by the lack of alcohol...

   examining one of his patients. Took the husband aside and said: Your wife doesn't look too good. Husband said: I know but she's got an awesome personality...

   loves eating big meals. I especially love a 7 course meal, of which my best is a cheese burger and a six pack of beer.....

   wants a holiday that somehow follows closely to the 1966 movie: The Endless Summer...... any volunteers?