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Nipper Funny Status Messages
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I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
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12-13-2013 12:35 by
Nipper
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Today a homeless man stuck a hand out at me and said 'spare change'His hand was empty, I think the pr!ck was teasing me, so I took his dog
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12-17-2013 07:16 by
Nipper
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During filming of an episode of 'Happy Days' in 1976, The Fonz had a stroke causing him to say "Eyyyyyyyy" for 4 months straight.
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01-07-2014 17:23 by
Nipper
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For future reference, farmers get super pissed if you sneak onto their property & chase their livestock with a Taser. It’s been a good day.
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01-11-2014 13:25 by
Nipper
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Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
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01-15-2014 15:35 by
Nipper
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I had to explain the Goonies today... so I'm feeling super old and bitter.
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01-15-2014 16:11 by
Nipper
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I think I'd be a pretty considerate cannibal, even if I were constipated I wouldn't force your hand.
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01-15-2014 16:23 by
Nipper
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'Pizza Hut, can I take your order?' Me: 'May I speak with the owl, please? ''Who?' Me: 'Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.'
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01-18-2014 09:54 by
Nipper
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Not sure if my doctor is a righty or a lefty but I'm pretty sure he shouldn't have had both on my shoulders during that prostate exam.
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01-18-2014 09:57 by
Nipper
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I actually feel bad for Justin Bieber. No girl should have to take a picture without her makeup on
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01-23-2014 16:36 by
Nipper
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It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist's finger before she stops believing that you're doing it accidentally.
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01-25-2014 16:56 by
Nipper
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My neighbours diary say's I have boundary issues.
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01-28-2014 06:43 by
Nipper
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Be careful when you're thmoking a metal bowl in thub thero temperaturths.
9
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01-28-2014 13:22 by
Nipper
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The voices in my head have been quite for a while. They probably broke something.
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01-30-2014 17:14 by
Nipper
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There is nothing better than a woman who's a screamer, even if it is because she just caught you spying in her window.
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01-30-2014 17:42 by
Nipper
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I have so many different drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it..,,........Addictionary.
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02-01-2014 09:12 by
Nipper
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I've got my own personal team of police who follow me around wherever I go out cuz that’s how I parole.
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02-01-2014 14:58 by
Nipper
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Super Bowl Sunday: when people talk over the game and shut up during commercials. Go USA
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02-02-2014 07:53 by
Nipper
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If I've learned one thing from Philip Seymour Hoffman's death, it's that someone needs to introduce Bieber to heroin.
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02-04-2014 14:59 by
Nipper
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I'm having a really bad hair day. All the humidity at this pool is making my hair frizzy, unmanageable, and hang outside my Speedo.
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02-04-2014 16:03 by
Nipper
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