truman Funny Status Messages

   "Who let the dogs out?" - [Pavlov getting annoyed]

   Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?

   The ancient Egyptians had strict burial requirements, which included being dug up & displayed in a museum years later?

   To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you're happy now!!!

   Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!

   Planning a trip to Australia..I was asked if I had a criminal record?..I didn't know you still needed one?

   I'd just like to congratulate the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table! They're basically everywhere now!

   My Girlfriend said she's leaving in the morning because of my "Wham" obsession! I replied... "wake me up before you go go"

   I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by, "that's him officer"

   I read this article earlier..that said.."cows have four stomachs"...and I wondered if anyone had checked this?..because it sounds like the sort of thing a cow would come out with to get more food?

   POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: "So he was medium build, grey hair, grey eyes, grey tie, a grey suit and grey shoes?" DOG: "Correct"

   My Girlfriend says our sex-life is so bad because I get so easily distracted? Ah well!..back to it I suppose!

   I hate it when I click on a porn video and I can see myself in the screen while it's loading?

   I've been having a problem with nuisance phone calls! The most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!"

   "So this is Christmas, and what have you done?" The start of a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument?

   I just found out that сосk fighting is done with chickens? That's 12 months of training gone to waste!

   I've started visiting orgies dressed as a Ninja-Turtle! I'm really coming out of my shell these days!

   Not so great minds also think alike!

   I hate when I'm singing and people join in. B*tch, this aint glee.

   Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him!