tallmtnman Funny Status Messages

   Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.

   I'm not saying she's bipolar, but it took me two hours to figure out her mood ring wasn't a strobe light.

   Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.

   The sales of sexbots have been skyrocketing. I wonder if they make an underage one? That's gonna be the hot seller among Hollywood and Democrats.

   Anyone else wonder what happens to Oscar on trash day?

   BREAKING NEWS: Reports seem to be premature that Barack Obama's nomination to replace Eric Holder will be Flavor Flav.

   Adele: Hello. Lionel Richie : Hello is it me you're looking for? Pink Floyd : Hello. Hello. Is anybody in there? Me: This conference call sucks.

   So is Tom Brady related to Marcia, Greg & Cindy ?

   Has anyone else considered the romantic possibilities of nachos and naps?

   I said I was hungry, she thought I said I was horny. Long story short, best first date ever..

   Ok, I've never thought much of Hugh Hefner, but you have to appreciate the irony. The creator of Playboy expires on a Wednesday-Hump Day.

   Former Ravens cheerleader arrested for having sex with 15 year old boy. Apparently her flirting style was to BE AGGRESSIVE, B-E AGGRESSIVE

   "Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow" sound terrifying.

   Wonder if A-Rod's new sponsor is going to be a syringe company...

   I once told my friend I was attacked by a shark. He said, "Did you punch it on the nose?" I said, "No, it just attacked me for no reason."

   The Denver Broncos today announced Al Bundy as their new starting Quarterback.

   Battered women sounds taste, but it's just a bad idea.

   Just been to the gym for the 5th time in a week, and people are saying things like "well done!", "that's so impressive!", and "you can't come in here just to use the vending machine