srpdrzman Funny Status Messages

   In my day a mouse pad was a place rodents lived, a cursor was someone you avoided, and if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy you sure never told anyone.

   My Valentine is just like my pinkie toe; eventually I'm gonna bang it on all the furniture in this house...

   the war on terror will never be won... because they hate us more than they love their children.

   overheard at walmart ; customer service needed in the sporting goods, we have a customer by the balls.

   ‎7-eleven, mini-marts, and several gas stations will be closed this week due to a death in the family...

   Two year olds today can unlock an iphone, open and close apps all by themselves... When I was that age, I was eating dirt

   Here at Kotex Tampons were not claiming to be number one, were certainly not number two,. But when it come"s to Tampons were right up in there...

   If I ever have to have a steel plate in my head,. I'm gonna start me an awsome magnet collection.

   I don't get a sore throat often, but when I do I swallow every few minutes to check to see if it still hurts.

   I told my wife she looked good in that dress that she would either attract attention from a man or a hungry infant.

   7-11, mini-mart, and several gas stations will be closed due to a death in the family...

   My son weed whacked the yard without being asked... Impressed yes!! He broke out in a sweat the last time it was his turn to change the toilet paper roll.

   The suicide vest bombing instructor at the Al Qaeda School of Martyrdom advised his students too "pay close attention because I'm only going to show you this once".

   Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it

   The people of England paid a heavenly price for the wedding of Cap'n Crunch ,. and didnt even get a lousy t-shirt...

   In The News: Supreme leader Comrade Kim Jong-un,. Reprimands: Jang Song Thaek, vice chairman of North Korea's highest decision-making body... "When I said to Nuke the Chinese, I meant for you to put the Kung Pao Chicken in the microwave".

   As Anti-Wall Street protests spread outside the New York Stock Exchange over the corporate greed in America, pitchforks were up by 8 3/4 and torches by 7 1/2 points

   Seen a couple jogging this morning, he had on black leotards and a black hoodie, not far behind she had white leotards and a white hoodie,. I couldn't help but grine reminded of the old comic strip spy vs spy

   Had a good scare tonight, thought I was experiencing tunnel vision,. Until I looked in the rear view mirror and I realized was wearing my hoodie... "whew"

   Drfinition of 'vitamin'; What you do when a friend comes to your door.