pj Funny Status Messages

   The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.

   Hang out with people you want holding your hand when your heart stops.

   Some people choose to be victims in life because it's a lot easier than being a winner.

   Interviewer: You ever do time? Me: I've mixed basil with weed, even freebased oregano, but I've never done thyme. Interviewer: I meant in jail, but I think we're done here.

   I don't swim because it's never 30 minutes after the last time I ate.

   Looking into the mirror...I realize, I'm in no shape to fend off an alien invasion

   I'll be doing book signings today at Barnes & Noble until they kick me out for writing in random books.

   OJ said he has lived a conflict free life. Unless, he thinks you are or our have his property. Then watch out. Things get crazy.

   I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.

   [at restaurant] Wife: I'm having an affair. Husband: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well.

   It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

   Whoever has voodoo doll of me, please have me clean the house and then recline me on the couch.

   Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" - loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism"

   Life and Wife are two similar words ..... but if you have one, you can't have the other!!!

   Wouldn't recommend hanging up mistletoe at the office this year.

   Now you got me asking myself? Why does Disco Music give me Night Fever and the Heebie Bee Gees Bees?