onecuwldood Funny Status Messages

   How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?

   Why are they calling the music I grew up on "Classic Rock"? I'm not that old...am I?

   The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

   I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lens...

   To those who do not believe that war is the answer... Please enjoy your "Independence Day". Heck enjoy the whole weekend.

   Sure it's flattering and weird at the same time, but you need to stop thinking of me when you masturbate...

   My friend is having sex with his GF and her twin, asked how he tells them apart, he said her brother has a mustache!

   Ok, so they have GPS that can navigate you all the way across the country...why can't someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?

   would like to sublease his FB wall. He's still trying to find a way to make money here.

   Well, it's easy to tell I'm married. It's Friday night and I'm at home updating my facebook status...

   Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you." She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?" He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

   I don't think of it as a mess... I just think it's nice having everything I own in plain sight and within easy reach at all times!

   Hard work never kills anybody who supervises it.

   Red wine goes with meatloaf, right?

   Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

   Two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One said to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets."

   It's official, I'm not gonna remember unless there's a Facebook event for it...

   Ok let me see if I have this straight. When counting calories, if you forget to write them down, you don't have to count them, right?

   Woke up with several traffic signs and safety cones in my bedroom... What did I do last night?

   Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.