jz Funny Status Messages

   I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

   Half the lies they tell about me aren't true

   Don't worry, during the Apocalypse the zombies are looking for brains, you're safe..

   The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

   ♫♫♪♪ It's the most... wonderful time... for a beer ♪♪♫♫

   your inference that I am without religion is incorrect and I am actually torn between two faiths; while your gods promise of eternal life is very persuasive, the Papua New Guinean mud god, Pikiwoki, is promising a pig and as many coconuts as you can carry

   I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

   I bet you I could stop gambling

   In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

   Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity

   My ex-girlfriend gave me a sweetest day card. Ok, it was a restraining order but it's the thought that counts

   I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me