david Funny Status Messages

   From now on every time I see a "for lease" sign, I will put a "navidad" sign under it

   At the end of each day, life should ask us, 'Do you want to save the changes?'

   If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

   I think I owe my right hand a Valentines Day card!

   So many accidents with Hillary. I'm not even sure she still alive, maybe they're just dragging her body like in Weekend at Bernie's

   The first joint I hit I smoked behind Grandpa's barn. It made me dizzy, and I coughed a lot. "Don't worry, that always happens with the first hit," said Grandpa. "Try another hit." And you know, he was right!

   A true friend sees the first tear... catches the second... and stops the third

   I truly don't understand the needs for ladies 70 and above to bath in their perfume, unless their trying to kill their husband.

   If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's about a helpful lizard putting a city back together and leaving afterwards.

   Hey Prince William, I'mma let you finish and all, but we had the most historic event OF ALL TIME.

   "Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine."

   If you are late to special ed is it proper for the teacher to say that you are tardy?

   If you watch Rambo backwards, it's about a medic with a magical bullet vacuum.

   Girls gone wild...Not the first time Bit@hes bankrupted a man..

   Ladies if you want your man home more often in the next few months... Madden 11 is here... Oh and NFL SUNDAY TICKET ont be bad either!!!

   You give that porn actress an award?, she sucks! Nevermind....

   Subway is being sued for lying about length?!?!?....Not the first time length has been lied about!

   " OMG ... I would kill for another Nobel Peace Prize. " Barack Obama

   According to Nostradamus Prophecies, Politicians can resist a Nuclear Winter, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, a direct Meteor Impact, the Jehovah's Witnesses & Mormons. But not a Sequester!

   whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously has never sold weed