craneman Funny Status Messages

   Quitting Facebook over privacy is like moving out of your house because you can't be bothered to lock the door....

   Got up this morning and thought 'it looks nice out'....so I'll leave it out.

   You know you're getting old if you look at an iPad and think "doesn't that look like an Etch-a-Sketch?"

   awake ❒ asleep ❒ concious but hung over ✔

   Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles and nerve impulses sent from my brain

   after dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that's not done at this hotel....

   walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64k,128k,256k,512k and 1mb. That was a trip down memory lane

   It will snow. Fine. This is not a reason to panic. Tesco will not run out of food before you starve so don't go shopping like a twat, if you're unsure whether to drive then just don't ok. Ever. Sell your damn car and get on a bus. And please don't ring th

   Shh! You never know who's listening....(although if you have a wireless microphone from a tv news station clipped to you, you should at least suspect that someone's listening)

   hvng n nxpctd vwl mvmnt aiaueeeoeoee...

   I really thought my missus was joking when she said Davy Jones had died. Then I saw her face......... now I'm a believer.......

   I thought gold medal women's rowing was what happens outside pubs across Britain every Saturday night....