Tommy Chevelle Funny Status Messages

   when I was a little kid, we didn't have cool video games to occupy us for hours... if I had a ROCK and a roll of CAPS...It was a Good Day!

   Women just sit there and let it finish dripping, where as Men will shake it till it's all out....that's what I've noticed at the GAS pumps.

   the deputy in the van did NOT think it was funny when I pulled along side the striped uniform worker and yelled "QUICK, GET IN!"

   when the Neilson Ratings called me to survey what I watch on TV... I let them know what shows are stupid and pointless....Unfortunately, they are still airing JERSEY SHORE!

   ladies, regardless of where you like it...just don't ask us to hold it.

   with the way kids are so HYPER these days, I probably wouldn't have enough patience to be a Kindergarten Teacher...we'd have to play games like DUCT, DUCT, TAPE!

   How the hell do hundreds of male Smurfs live with only ONE female smurf? It's no wonder they're BLUE!

   everyone was clapping for me when I got off the plane...I bet those military guys behind me were jealous.

   to AVOID any embarassing incidents...I've equipped my BEER GOGGLES with windshield wipers.

   Gas diet: Get your paycheck... fill up your car and you have no money to buy food! Bam...you lose weight!

   in the latest News: Officials found a cell phone under Charles Manson's mattress...and you thought getting a text from Brett Favre was weird.

   says it's no wonder the Earth ALWAYS wins the Miss Universe Competition....No other planet has EVER entered the competition!

   you know you're getting OLD when your BRAND NEW car you drove in high school now qualifies for an ANTIQUE car tag.

   when I got pulled over, the cop said he clocked me doing 75 mph in 55 mph zone. I asked "WHERE D'YA GET THAT APP?"

   having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It's IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top!

   at my age it's not my cereal, but my body that goes SNAP, CRACKLE and POP!

   You should never judge a person by how clean the inside of their microwave is.

   We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!

   my method of Resistance Training is just NOT working out!

   A real man should never wave faster than he SAYS the word "hey"