Tazor Funny Status Messages

   Dear HBO, thanks so much for the porn every night, sincerely, kids everywhere

   jus saw a midget pushin a shopping cart.. every item they put in their basket was a slam dunk

   girlscouts suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I'm not any thinner

   Dont bite the hand that feeds you, its true, just had an incident at McDonalds and the stupid cashier filed charges

   Sssshhhh....you had me at McDouble..

   at my high school career day, they demonstrated which cardboard "will work for...." signs were most effective

   just got my girlfriend her valentines day gift.. shes gonna love her "tube of boob lube"

   bums would prob do better recyclin their shoppin carts instead of cans

   someone asked me to be a god parent...i think I would be more like a OMG parent

   straddling the bowling ball return, pretending I'm laying eggs

   Cheerios jus came out with hoplessios for emo kids

   just huffed a can of spray cheese, now I'm full... and stoned

   likes to fist-bump with a 'i got ur nose' fist

   be careful when threat textin, jus told someone who owed me money I was gonna eat their ass if I didnt get it back

   to my cheating ass friend...message me, cuz I'm friends with your wife too

   people are so stupid now a days....I am now describing myself as having uncommon sense

   You only think I'm engaged in ur pathetic life story, om really wondering if monkey nipp!es get hard when theyre cold

   uh...to the person who asked for the alibi...your on your own pal...

   You can't have at(tit)ude without the tit

   im not saying I did anythin wrong, but, this is omportant, can you get dna from human poo