SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.

   Who else had one of those pens with a million colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once?

   If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast.

   I love Halloween because it's the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.

   What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?

   Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don't trust it. Everyone knows it's impossible to drive without eating the fries.

   When I hear "Tropical Depression" I think of Toucan Sam sitting in a rain-forest crying.

   A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it 1,345,435 times.

   Memo to self: Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've Gone Commando a few times in your life.

   I'm surprised by the violence in Syria. I really thought the World Peace sign at the end of Madonna's halftime show would work.

   All I did was walk by an Abercrombie and Fitch and now my name is Trent, my shirt is off, and I'm really into shell necklaces.

   I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I'll take a Dirty Hammock."

   I always go the extra mile. The restraining order says I have to.

   So say some animals *were* injured in the making of a film. Is that listed in the credits or what? "Bob hurt one bird. He's very sorry."

   I think if my rich neighbor realized just how awesome of a party he is going to have at his house tonight, he wouldn't leave for vacation.

   The economy is so bad that Anglina Jolie is adopting American kids now.

   If A-B-C-D didn't drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn't have to be so rushed.

   May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.

   The coolest thing about being a dog must be the ability to use your own ass for a pillow.

   Dora has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.