Steven Funny Status Messages

   What gets longer when pulled, fits between a women's boobs, inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked hard?...A SEAT BELT

   Im like cocaine: I'm white, highly addictive and ladies usually leave the bathroom with me on their face..

   So I was wondering. If I paid to go watch a football game and suddenly in the middle of the game all the christian players get raptured up into heaven, do I get a refund???

   Was in the public rest room - I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall: "Hi, how are you?"... Me: embarrassed, "Doin' fine!" Stall: "So what are you up to?"... Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here." Stall: "Can I come over?"