Starman Funny Status Messages

   Just about all husbands lie on their tax returns by listing them self as head of household.

   The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never smpathized more with women in my life.

   This year my mother gave my son a drum set for Christmas. Which surprised me. I said to her don't you remember how you hated it when I played the drums when I was a kid? She replyed with a smile , I remember.

   "I don't think I can get through a day without my middle finger."

   Here is a way to get rid of your unwanted junk. Pack it in an Amazon box, and place it on the porch.

   Dilemma: Watching your mother inlaw driving towards a cliff in your brand new car.

   Parents, here's a way to keep your kids busy for awhile on Easter, let them have an Easter egg hunt, just don't hide any eggs.

   When I'm not at home and my wife is giving me the silent treatment, she'll send me blank tex messages.

   For sale slightly used daily planner.

   HELP, I'm out of booze, and sobering up.

   Hey if you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.

   You know you're fat when you only need a cup of water in the tub when taking a bath.

   You'll know you've grown old when your 6 pack abs turn into a keg.

   Don't kid your self would be a good name for a comdom.

   What do you call a man who has everything?...... A bachelor.

   Why do wives think giving their husband the silent treatment is a punishment.

   Wonder why kids set out milk and cookies for Santa, but not a salad for the Easter Bunny.

   YAY! Mr. Peanut back.

   it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter basket?

   Had one of those DNA test done. Turns out I'm related to Adam and Eve.