Stalk_me Funny Status Messages

   I feel I have an on and off relationship with clothes.

   I know it's the 100th year anniversary of Titanic and all that but aren't the Italians going a bit far with their tribute?

   Among words that sound dirty but aren't, I think "kumquat" is my favorite.

   You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither

   I have just found out that yelling "I'm gonna scissor you!" at someone isn't as threatening as I first thought...

   just reading this article on body language, and I was really surprised at how much you can tell about a person just by there hands. For example, if you're trying to talk to someone, and their hands are around your neck, then they probably slightly upset

   No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook

   Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an "s" in it?

   My girlfriend has been looking for a tampon that fits her properly for years. She's finally given up and thrown in the towel

   Sometimes I just feel like putting my head down, curling my arms in and falling forward to the ground... 'Cos that's the way I roll!

   Make the little things count. Teach midgets maths

   Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch. Just to show the birds what I'm capable of.

   If it's called a walkie talkie,. How come a vacuum isn't called a Pushy sucky?

   just seen on news a midget got pickpocketed, how could anyone stoop so low?

   If we all end up in prison one day for illegal music downloads, I can only hope that they divide us by music genres.

   My teacher always said to me; " nothing is impossible!" He he I showed them, I've been doing it for years