Sandy Funny Status Messages

   Alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra and many other problems !!!

   Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking? I can't pair wines like this.

   How was I to know you were tying your shoelaces and not proposing?

   He died doing what he loved, not replying to my texts.

   He died doing what he loved: telling me I'm overreacting.

   Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can't dance.

   "Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby

   I must be looking extra good today because this dude with a backpack on the side of the road was giving me the big thumbs up. Thanks man!

   I'm sorry, I thought we were at the swimsuit competition part of this job interview. Please hand me my towel.

   Loneliness is not getting your pets spayed or neutered so that you can have grandkids someday.

   Underestimate my crazy to activate my crazy.