Ron Funny Status Messages

   Raise your hand if you would add your boss as a Facebook friend. Now with the other hand slap yourself in the face.

   FACEBOOK is the second most popular word that starts with "F" and ends with "K" ; )

   The first scene of Star Wars 7 should be C-3P0 waking up and saying "I just had three horrible dreams!"

   Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?

   Roses are red Violets are blue Friend Requests are great But who the f#$k are you?

   says it's been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom....

   You remind me of my Chinese friend, Ug Lee.

   A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

   There should be realtionship status that says,"I don`t even know what`s going on"

   thinks sleep is for people without Internet access.

   Facebook has just suggested I poke my wife . . . Yeah good one facebook . . . Been trying for weeks . .

   I honestly think that women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.

   thinks work is becoming a nice little break from Facebook.

   3 dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks.To be as rich as his child believes.To have as many women as his wife suspects

   going to wear underwear on the outside of his clothes tomorrow to see if people assume he's crazy, or a superhero.

   Ever look at your ex while thinking "was I drunk for our whole relationship?

   Dear God, it's me again. Can you bring the toolbox? My life needs fixing.

   My biggest fear is getting a murder hornet stuck in my facemask as I shovel snow Saturday morning in May.

   There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.

   Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.